Why Mothers of the Groom Often Feel Like the Forgotten Guest – and Why That Needs to Change
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
By Amanda Holmes
Bridal Industry Expert and Founder of Holmes and Co Bridal
Every week on my boutique floor, I watch a remarkably predictable bit of human behaviour.
A woman will walk through the door, quietly browse the occasion wear rail, and offer a familiar, self-deprecating disclaimer to my stylists: “Oh, I’m just the Mother of the Groom.”
It’s an apology I hear far too often. And it always stays with me.
While the wedding industry invests heavily in celebrating the Mother of the Bride—treating her outfit choice as a key milestone—the Mother of the Groom is still often left to navigate a far less defined space.
A system, not a slight
This is rarely about intentional exclusion. It’s more subtle than that. It’s a habit that has quietly been built into the industry.
Walk into almost any boutique or browse occasion wear marketing online and you’ll still see the same phrase repeated: Mother of the Bride. The groom’s mother is often an afterthought in language, styling guidance, and even expectations.
That language matters. It creates a silent question before she has even stepped into a boutique: Am I meant to be here in the same way?
I see the impact of that uncertainty every day.
Many Mothers of the Groom arrive having already bought something “safe” online months before, worried that choosing anything too confident or stylish might be seen as overstepping. Others hold back completely, unsure how involved they are supposed to be in the wider wedding journey.
A role that feels smaller than it is
Becoming the Mother of the Groom is a huge emotional milestone. It is the moment you watch your son step into a new chapter of life, and you welcome another person into your family.
Yet the experience around that role is often quietly minimised.
“I often meet Mothers of the Groom who arrive at appointments feeling unsure of where they fit in,” says Amanda Holmes, Founder of Holmes and Co Bridal. “Many will tell me they don’t want to overstep, but in reality, they’re often not sure they’ve been fully included in the process.”
That hesitation isn’t about reluctance. It’s about lack of invitation—sometimes emotional, sometimes practical, and often unspoken.
Why modern weddings have outgrown old rules
The truth is, modern weddings have completely moved on from rigid family hierarchies.
We now see blended families, second marriages, and couples funding and shaping their weddings independently. The idea that one side of the family “hosts” while the other simply attends no longer reflects reality.
Yet some of the old expectations still linger in subtle ways—especially around the mothers of the couple.
In practice, this can create unnecessary tension, comparison, or emotional distance at a time when families should be coming together.
When both mothers feel equally acknowledged, something shifts. The energy becomes lighter, more collaborative, and far less guarded.
Small changes that make a big difference
Bringing the Mother of the Groom into the experience doesn’t require dramatic change. It simply requires more intention.
Shared styling moments Inviting both mothers to appointments or early styling conversations helps remove uncertainty and allows her to feel part of the aesthetic direction rather than outside it.
Moving away from rigid “rules” Old expectations around colour hierarchy or who “chooses first” are no longer relevant. Open, early conversation creates confidence rather than comparison.
Acknowledging her role early Simply recognising the emotional significance of the moment—the transition of her son, and the joining of families—can completely change how seen she feels.
In a modern world that values inclusion and authenticity, it feels important that our language, our retail spaces, and our expectations evolve too.
It makes me reflect, and I probably owe my own mother-in-law an apology—I didn’t even think to invite her to my own wedding dress appointment when I got married 20 years ago.
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